As the summer ends, I think it's a great time to look back. I was in a completely different place this time last year. For the longest time I didn't want to remember any of the events that happened last August. My close friends were the only ones who knew why. Mostly due to the fact that I was stranded and left caught between a messy heartbreak. I had fallen down the rabbit hole, where people would only tell me what I wanted to hear. "They're just old friends, never dated, never have never will."
When Instragram pictures get taken two nights after you leave to head back to your city with the caption "Not mad". You start to wonder and put things together. You realize that she was the reason why he didn't meet you in Vegas. The "Oh, I was just helping her to her car" after the show holding hands was a lie. That they had in fact been a couple.. multiple times.
I still don't think I could ever say anything bad about him. For so long I could only remember the good things. The shirt he bought for me while he was in Cleveland, the night in Cincinnati and of course the time we spent in L.A riding in your car. It's silly but I can't listen to "The Way You Make Me Feel" or "Purple Rain" anymore. Two of my all time favorite songs. I associate memories with music and sometimes you just have to stop to make things better.
It took me almost a year to delete his number and block him from my world. I guess when you send a text with the message "What happened between us" and he doesn't respond, you know that it's time to let go. I don't regret anything, I had blogged for so long about him and I'm sure most of you could figure out who it was about. This blog is my diary and I hope one person can read this and learn that at the end of the day, he didn't know your worth. Find someone who does.
I think in any situation, my main goal is to stay as classy as possible. You just gotta keep your head, heels and standards high. Learn from every situation. He will forever be the Russell to my Penny Lane. I think I lost a part of me while I was in that moment and I needed to get her back.
I don't think anyone will ever understand how important going out on Vans Warped Tour was for me this year. Not only to start fresh, but I had reached a point where I wondered if I was going to need to switch careers and choose a new path. It was also really important to forget what happened last summer. I remember laying in my bed the night before everything fell into place. I literally was so frustrated with life and the way things were going. I said a prayer and the next morning mine were answered. It's funny how things fall into place. I submitted my resume, photos, videos and this blog to a team and in 12 hours I was flying out to Boston to start touring.
Wanting to be a music reporter or on air talent has to deal with lots of rejection. As a 20 years old, I've been dealt the word "No" way to many times. It's a great feeling when you're told " We can't believe how much you've accomplished in a short amount of time. You're a perfect fit"
I had made a pact before I went out "Make this summer one for the books, don't fall head over heels". A simple but easy thing to accomplish this time around. I had made so many new friends, and of course feel head over heels in love.... With my job. I can't tell you how many times I said, "I want to do this forever".
I did meet someone, but it turns out that things aren't working out the way I had hope. I was told multiple times that tour romances end as soon as tour does. That's why tour is in front of that word. He hasn't even tried to contact me after our last goodbye (Major, bummer).
So what's next for me? I'm trying to decide that right now. My main goal is to get on another tour that I have been working closely with for 2 years now. I think It would be the perfect fit for me. I just am in the works of making it happen. School, I think right now It's best if I chase down what I want. School is great but I'm getting more opportunities that don't allow me to be in school. Turns out, they don't like when I'm gone for multiple weeks. College will always be there.
I love you guys. Your Mister perfect will find you. Stay you, classy and sassy.